My Days Without Hemoglobin

People often ask, "How are you feeling?" and I usually have no idea how to answer. "Tired" just doesn't cut it because it simply implies that I need sleep, and how I feel goes way beyond tired. I have found the best way to describe how I am feeling is to give examples, i.e. when I bend over to pick something up, I must be very cautious when returning to the upright position lest I get dizzy and bite it on the office floor. So, without further ado, a day in the life of a hemoglobin-less Dawn-Nicole.

On days I am off, I could easily sleep the day away. I have been known to sleep until 3 pm, get a bite to eat, and go directly to bed for the night. On days I work, however, I set my alarm for at least a half hour before I normally would. You would think this would be counter-productive, but I have to account for the numerous rest breaks I take while getting ready. When the alarm rings, I sit up slowly and give myself a few minutes to make sure I am able to stand. Then it is off to conquer the shower.

I'm not going to lie, showering is hard work. While most people look forward to a long, hot shower, it is easily one of the most dreaded parts of my day. Washing my hair is the worst, by far. The combination of standing and having my arms moving above my head is usually too much, and I find myself having to sit to do it. Yep, sittin' in the shower, that's what the cool kids are doing. Luckily, my hair doesn't require daily washings, so I have that going for me. After the shower, the rest of the getting ready process is smooth sailing. I don't bother with my hair, the shower has defeated me in that department. In the summer, I would just let it air dry and as it gets cooler, it will be ponytail city. Getting dressed is relatively painless, with just a few breaks to either sit or lay down. I generally dress in layers, though, because the hemoglobin helps regulate body temperature. That combined with my constant craving for chewing ice, and I am always freezing. So, I grab a sweater or two and I'm out the door.

My two main obstacles at work are my inability to focus and my impatience. I try to get anything important completed first thing, when my brain is sharpest. I have learned to work on various projects a little at a time - spend a few minutes on one thing, them move to another, and so on. Those of you who know me know this tactic goes totally against my character. I can't even eat more than one thing on my plate at a time. If I don't do this, however, I find myself getting very easily distracted and/or frustrated. Impatience and frustration are big issues for me. Without the focus I usually have, I have a hard time articulating my thoughts, finishing tasks, or even a sentence for that matter. Factor in that I am just so tired of being tired and I am left with a very long day at work. But, I plow through with a steady supply of caffeine and ice chips, and after what feels like forever, I head home.

On days I work, that is pretty much all I can manage. Once home, I usually contemplate doing housework, but settle for scooping the kitty litter (it is a very small apartment!). Anything else is a sweet bonus. Dinner is always something I have picked up on the way home, there's no way I'm wasting precious energy on cooking. I used to watch a movie during dinner, but now it is TV shows on Hulu. I clearly don't have the patience for movies anymore. I tried to watch Sherlock Holmes the other night which resulted in me yelling at Robert Downey Jr. to get on with it already. On the plus side, I'm finally getting to see all the shows I have been hearing I HAVE to see. Bedtime is next, and it is a rare occurrence for me to be awake past 8 pm.

There you have it...how I am feeling on any give day. Basically, it is an exercise in rationing my energy and prioritizing what needs to be done now and what can wait a month or two. While I am fortunate to even be doing any of this, I still miss being able to walk half a block without feeling like my heart is going to explode, turning my head without feeling like I may pass out or simply hanging out with friends after work. So, if you have any spare red blood cells laying around, feel free to throw some my way!